Solution To The Dog Problem

For too many years I've documented the dogshit problem in Plattsburgh, especially at this blog. It's a problem that city never acknowledges. Maybe the thinking is that if you don't see it, it's not there. Unless you step in it and have to scrape off your shoes.

A college professor specializing in quotidian metaphysical studies, Dr. I.M. Farout, says he has the answer.

He explained to the possible solution to me during a recent interview. As he sucked on his pipe, the air in his office permeated with a strange odor suggestive of South American hallucinogens, Dr. Farout said the answer lay in a variation of feng shui (pronounced fung shway). Feng shui is a Chinese form of aesthetics that tries to relate man's environment with nature.

For example, the location of furniture in someone's living room could have good feng shui, explained Dr. Farout. Putting a chair near a large window where sunlight comes in would be better than in a darker corner of the room where artificial light is needed. Working with nature is important, trying to receive positive qi (or what the hippies used to call good vibes).

So how does this tie in with the dogshit problem in Plattsburgh?

Dr. Farout says that dogshit is a part of nature. There should be no problem with it being found every fifteen feet in any direction in the city. One must accept the cycle of nature. He advocates a variation of feng shui called dung sway, letting dogs shit wherever they want.

I asked Dr. Farout how this was any different than what the city was doing, just ignoring the problem. I never got a reply because he had put down his pipe and was snoring.

Maybe next time.


[Note: Dr. I.M. Farout shouldn't be confused with Mike Royko's Dr. I.M. Kookie. ]