Happy New Year From City Hall Dog Park

Dog Tree

I think that I shall never see 
A poem lovely as a tree.

              --Joyce Kilmer

Why You Should Never Walk Your Dog To Church

Eye-Pleasing Accent Plants

The right type of plants can add so much to a downtown's ambiance. For example, check out these Plattsburgh smart examples that emphasize the supernalness of its main street.

Street Trash Installation

The mess shown in the accompanying images has been lying around for a week on a Broad Street sidewalk. Why? Is it to add the supernality of downtown Plattsburgh, NY?












Maybe the answer can be found with this definition courtesy of Wikipedia:

"Installation art describes an artistic genre of three-dimensional works that are often site-specific and designed to transform the perception of a space."

Indeed, the busted bottle shards in tandem with the litterbuggery Styrofoam cup does transform my perception of that sidewalk space.

Evening Walk, Ethereal Encounter

A pleasant evening to stretch the legs. But you always have to watch your step downtown.

(Images taken 10/7/11, 8:25 PM.)



Remember: Cleanliness is next to Godliness. That's why I call it Supernal Downtown Plattsburgh.

Slip-Sliding Away In Plattsburgh

So if you're going to break your leg, which one do you prefer?

A Gift For City Hall

And what makes a better gift than something that creates disgust and disease?

Signs Of Conflict

With both signs one would think that the lawn to the Westelcom Stage Park between Margaret and Durkee streets would be clean. Keep your dog out. If your canine craps on the lawn you must pick up after it with one of the supplied waste bags. But it seems the messages cancel each other out. Why else would this be still be found there?



Putting up diametrically opposed instructions is what I called Plattsburgh stupid. Especially when both of them fail to stop the problem.

"Don't Tell Me I Stepped In..."

Downtown Plattsburgh, Margaret Street. A pleasant sunny afternoon. Two guys are walking towards me and I suddenly hear one complaining about something his shoe just made contact with. He stops and scrapes his now-sticky shoe hard against a crevice in the sidewalk.

So what did he step in? Obviously you never read this blog or have been a victim of Plattsburgh's canine landmines.

It's ironical that the mess was right near the MERKELS lettering in the pavement. Merkel's is long gone, a clothing store that prospered in downtown's better days (i.e., before the mall). It's motto was "The Store of Cheerful Service." Nothing cheerful about stepping in dogshit. Then again, there isn't much inducing cheer with Supernal Downtown Plattsburgh. If it's not dogshit, there are other threats to your feet like broken beer bottles or vomit splats (the result of too much cheap beer).

Sandwich Bored

Where else but Supernal Downtown Plattsburgh?

Plattsburgh's Diaper Service

Did your bundle of joy just complete a bundle of crap? Are you a lazy slob?

Then don't worry, there's downtown Plattsburgh, NY where you can just leave your dirty diaper on any street, from Durkee to Division. Toss it out the car window or just drop it and continue on your way with your stroller. Since dogshit is allowed, why not dirty diapers? Plattsburgh is more than happy to pick up shitter litter whether it be canine or human infant.

Supernal Downtown Plattsburgh -- yours to explore and excrete on.

Great Alfresco Dining...

...for flies. Where else but Supernal Downtown Plattsburgh, NY?

And if these images disgust you, imagine how I feel when I see this stuff in real life.

Let's Dump On City Hall

Plattsburgh City is so dog-friendly that it allows canines to shit all over the lawn of its City Hall. Downtown is one big dog park but without the hassle of picking up after your pet.

Does the Chamber of Commerce warn visitors to watch their step?

Plattsburgh City Decorates For Independence Day

Monday, July 4, 2011. I'm walking up Miller Street towards downtown Plattsburgh when I noticed that along the curb small US flags have been planted. Appropriate decorations.




But I also see inappropriate decorations on the sidewalk. Apparently someone stepped in one of them after the parade.



Take Pride, Plattsburgh!

Location, Location, Location

Study this image:



Moving from top to bottom:

The sign says dog-owners should pick up after their dogs.

Below the sign is a plastic bag dispenser to dispose of the dogshit.

Nearby is a trashcan, plenty of room for filled plastic bags.

And right next to the sign post -- what is that on the ground?



It couldn't be DOGSHIT, could it?

Crap On City Hall

Springtime Splendor In Downtown Plattsburgh

Spring is on its way. Warm weather and longer days means that one can really appreciate the beauty of downtown.

The other day city workers were raking up the Westelcom Stage park. But dead grass wasn't the main thing being hauled away...









A minor problem, right? Just like this minor problem on Clinton Street by the closed diner:







I wonder why that diner closed.

And if you're going to Living Goods, a fine Main Street restaurant, watch your step. And your eyes. You don't want to ruin your appetite.



Now if this bothers you, please write to this address:

The Mayor
Office of Dogshit Control
City Hall
Plattsburgh, NY 12901

Solution To The Dog Problem

For too many years I've documented the dogshit problem in Plattsburgh, especially at this blog. It's a problem that city never acknowledges. Maybe the thinking is that if you don't see it, it's not there. Unless you step in it and have to scrape off your shoes.

A college professor specializing in quotidian metaphysical studies, Dr. I.M. Farout, says he has the answer.

He explained to the possible solution to me during a recent interview. As he sucked on his pipe, the air in his office permeated with a strange odor suggestive of South American hallucinogens, Dr. Farout said the answer lay in a variation of feng shui (pronounced fung shway). Feng shui is a Chinese form of aesthetics that tries to relate man's environment with nature.

For example, the location of furniture in someone's living room could have good feng shui, explained Dr. Farout. Putting a chair near a large window where sunlight comes in would be better than in a darker corner of the room where artificial light is needed. Working with nature is important, trying to receive positive qi (or what the hippies used to call good vibes).

So how does this tie in with the dogshit problem in Plattsburgh?

Dr. Farout says that dogshit is a part of nature. There should be no problem with it being found every fifteen feet in any direction in the city. One must accept the cycle of nature. He advocates a variation of feng shui called dung sway, letting dogs shit wherever they want.

I asked Dr. Farout how this was any different than what the city was doing, just ignoring the problem. I never got a reply because he had put down his pipe and was snoring.

Maybe next time.


[Note: Dr. I.M. Farout shouldn't be confused with Mike Royko's Dr. I.M. Kookie. ]

Fresh Dumps At City Hall

And I'm not talking about snow.

Amazing how Plattsburgh, NY ranks as one of the best micropolitan communities around but everyone must be blind to the ubiquitous dogshit, especially the pols in City Hall who somehow don't notice this stuff when entering and leaving the building.

Beautiful Dogtown Plattsburgh: A Video Ode

Dogshit Problem In Peeburgh? How Can This Be?

Here's a recent entry in Speakout, the opinion forum in the Press-Republican where people can email in their concerns:

= = =

March 3rd, 2011

Dogs

Shame on the men who walk their dogs in the Terry Gordon path on Hamilton Street and never curb their dogs. Many people use the path and children play in the field where their dogs poop. Kicking snow over it doesn't constitute curbing.

= = =

As I mentioned before, I saw someone one winter let his dog shit on the sidewalk and then cover it up with snow. Of course, if someone can see it, they can step over it. But when it's hidden it's a fecal landmine.

Dead Pigeon #4

Another dead pigeon in downtown Plattsburgh, the fourth one I've seen this winter. This carcass was found on the corner of Bridge and Margaret streets. Like the others the body has been ripped open. Did the pigeon die first and then something fed on it? Or is a raptor or another animal snacking and then leaving the remains behind? (Photo taken 3/1/11.)

Weather Advisory

During sub-zero temps the dogshit that dots many sidewalks in Plattsburgh is frozen solid. But now as we move towards warmer weather with occasional thaws, the same canine turds become soft and sticky, especially with the addition of rain.



As a Plattsburgh pedestrian you must remember to pack your emergency kit consisting of a putty knife, bleach, paper towels and rubber gloves -- because some anus is always too lazy to bring along a plastic bag while walking his dog.

Illiterate And Inconsiderate

Superhero For Downtown Plattsburgh

On occasion I’ve mentioned the problem with dogshit scattered around downtown Plattsburgh. What can be done about the problem?

Let’s look to Seattle where real life superheroes are on patrol. Citizens dress up and come to the aid of their community. Here’s an image of one Seattle masked man, Phoenix Jones:



Other amateur crime-fighters are Thorn, Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88, and Penelope? (Huh? Penelope?)

So why not have a special superhero patrol downtown Plattsburgh to take care of one of its chronic problems (besides boredom)? This person could be male or female but in this case it would be better to have a distaff volunteer because women are genetically predisposed to the task thanks to the C-gene (the gene that programs them to clean and pick up). With pooper scooper in hand, this brave superheroine would patrol the dangerous dogshit dotted streets and alleyways.

I’ve even wrote a theme song:

* * *

Scooper Girl By Luke T. Bush

Sung to the tune of “Spider-Man” (the 1960s cartoon)

Scooper Girl,
Scooper Girl
Friendly Neighborhood Scooper Girl

Does she scoop
Stuff with flies?
Take a look
No surprise!

Hey there
There goes the Scooper Girl.

* * *

Until then, keeps your eyes not on the skies but on the ground.


---Hat Tip (or should I say cape flap?): Kelly for introducing me to Phoneix Jones.